MY NAME IS BECKY, AND I HAVE PROBLEMS

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  • Becky

Trick Question: Which Dating App is Right for you?

Updated: Jan 31, 2019

So you're single. You work full time. Your co-workers are not good prospects. Your social life involves you eating ice cream and watching Netflix in your pajamas with your friends/dogs/cats. AKA you don't really meet people you could date.

*Insert Instagram add about meeting singles near you*

So you download some app from an ad that has been targeted at you. Then you download two. Then you download five. For comparison reasons. It's like research. What's the difference? What's all the hype about this one vs. that one? So you start digging through all of your photos to realize you NEVER take pictures by yourself unless they were professional and really photoshopped (okay, maybe that's just me), and you send 10,000 versions of bios and witty nonsense to your friends for feedback (emojis or no emojis? Is that too aggressive? Can I put a "no fuckboys" disclaimer?).

Moral of the story, I 100% recommend downloading multiple apps if you decide to go down the app road. See what fits your style best and meets your interest needs. But I also 100% recommend trying to not be on apps at all costs...especially if you live in a high-traffic, tourist city and you're searching for more than a one afternoon stand with some guy from West Virginia on a bro trip, at the day club. If you ARE looking for that "hit it and quit it" though, you deserve it. A girl's got needs! But definitely be safe and bring your own condoms. ANYWAY! Here are a few of the apps my friends and I have explored.

Bumble: Swipe right, swipe left. Not catfish friendly because they ask you to verify your account, so that's cool. Women have to make the first move so that's cool too. Lets you hold the power to decide if you actually want to have a conversation, or if you just like swiping. I like it best when I'm bored just to "browse the market". Bumble has a great instagram and really encourages genuine connections. I've probably used this app the most, but met the fewest worthy people. (I swiped left on so many people, it had me expand my radius to include other states...oops.) I really wanted to love Bumble because of all of the positivity and empowerment they promote...but I think it just doesn't work in tourist cities. In my opinion: it's all fuck boys and tourists. On another note, There's also Bumble BFF to make friends and Bumble Biz for networking! I actually made a friend on BFF because we have the same name. It's awkward at parties and get-togethers, but she's awesome! Highly recommend!

Hinge: Probably my favorite option. You can add photos and videos (which lets me show off my axe throwing skills - message me at your own risk because I have great aim). It also gives you conversation starters to share more information about yourself than a short bio section. Before I even ❤️ or ❌ someone, I feel like I have a good idea of their personality based on the starters they've share and the answers they've given. I've had good conversations with people in the app and the few dates I've actually committed to from here, were fairly successful. Either person can initiate the conversation by "liking" a photo/video or a conversation starter. I also like that you can set up A LOT of filters to narrow down the people you see. I might be a self hating Asian because Asian guys do nothing for me...but I'm a stereotype because I'm all about the white guys. If I wanted to be that granular in who comes up in my feed, I can literally set it up to say "no asians, no kids, no hard drugs, no marijuana, taller than 5'8, within 10 miles, between 27 and 35". GRANULAR.

*UPDATE* I didn't really make clear here that Hinge really is made for more genuine connections. People on Hinge are typically interested in dating and being in a relationship in higher volume than Bumble or Tinder users. FUN FACT! There are just as many losers lurking around on Hinge. Was recently dragged by an emotionally unavailable goldfish that should've been snooping for booty calls on Tinder instead of leading me to believe he wasn't a fuck boy with pure intentions.

The League: I expected more out of the League. There is this fancy approval process before you can even meet people. Wanna pay WAY too much money and get a fast pass to the front of the line? Go for it. Don't wanna pay? Then just wait for the notification that says you went from 400,000 in line, to full access! The nice thing about The League for working professionals is it syncs with your LinkedIn so you don't end up seeing your coworkers, colleagues or boss. The down side is it's pretty much the same pool of people from Hinge and Bumble, but at least it supports that they're employed. I like having a lot of options, so only getting to see 3 people a day doesn't really do it for me...especially because you might not even get to start talking to one of the people you liked, because they haven't seen you yet and won't for another 5 days or whenever you pop up in their feed. Better for the professional who has patience I guess...or the professional that wants to pay for their membership for 10 people a day and more perks. Meh. OH! AND! The League encourages social encounters. Along with your 3 daily folks, they send you 1 group to meet people in your area with common interests. That was you can meet up and possibly make a genuine connection with other singles that share your interests and possibly scoop up a more organic prospect or just to make some new friends.

Coffee Meets Bagel: Just didn't move fast enough for me. I was on this app for like 2 days and was over it. The men get a big selection of options, that's how they narrow the options down for the ladies. Then the ladies get like 4 guys to choose from. Ladies are supposed to be in control...but the annoying thing is you only get the options once a day at like noon? Plus it was all of the same clowns I saw on Bumble. For some of my friends, they've had a lot of success with this app though. One gal I know found her boyfriend and they've been together over a year from CMB...do I think they're a good fit? Definitely not. But who am I to tell people that their relationship looks toxic and annoying? Another friend met a guy, they dated a while but in the end she was bored and he was clingy. Not every app or connection is ever going to be a success, but the CMB people really did put a lot of effort in to their algorithm to have it be a success and make genuine connections. I'm sure they have plenty of incognito fuck boys lurking around, but most people on here are relationship ready and looking for something serious. If you're patient and ready to trap someone...I mean lock someone in a cage...I mean commit to a consensual relationship, then check it out!

Tinder: Plain and simple. I have never downloaded Tinder, I've never used it, and have never had any interest to. Tinder has a stereotype that it's just for hookups and one night stands. When I first started combing through the dating apps, I was considered a public figure. I definitely did NOT want anyone to see me on there and make some sort of judgement about my character. At this point, I still wouldn't download Tinder because I find enough fuck boys and catfish on the better apps that only want one night stands anyway...and that's just not in my eye-line of interest right now. Maybe you can find love on Tinder or maybe you just want to get laid. There's no harm in wanting any of that. I have a friend who enjoys doing sketchy things in parking lots with random Tinders. If you take the risk, always wear protection...and maybe carry pepper spray or a taser. *shrug*

Paid Apps/Memberships: Match, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid...there's plenty of them. Have I tried any? Nope. Does that mean I won't? Also nope. I'm in the process of terminating a deceptive fuckboy situation and feel like all may be lost for me...so this is really about to be my only option unless I give in and quit working for myself and get a "real job", and settle on some basic guy named Dan that I meet because we have the same lunch break, and I settle to move in to his trailer, and end up with identical children of the corn that growing up hating me, and wind up addicted to meth before they graduate...but I don't know if I'm ready for that level of sacrifice to my dreams for a Crappily Ever After, yet. I also can't bring myself to pay MONEY for a service to use some sophisticated algorithm and analysis to find me a partner I'll likely only tolerate. There's also a good chance that my opinion changes on this topic in a month or so. TBD.

Now that you've decided on your app, you're swimming in a pool of weirdos. Let the swiping begin!

 
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