MY NAME IS BECKY, AND I HAVE PROBLEMS

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  • Becky

RePublished: Stop Being So Petty, Becky - A Written Mistake in 3 Parts


So I published this a while ago...and it ended up being a whole bunch of drama...so I took it down. Basically the girl I ended the friendship with, turns out she reads the blog. I HAD NO IDEA. So she flipped her lid and annoyed the fuck out of me while I was on vacation. I took this down because I felt bad. Also, my whole dramatic, over-analysis, freakout about the guy I was talking to (part three below) was basically just the crazy part of my brain taking over the steering wheel. Did I flip out for no good reason and start throwing around "fuck boy" vernacular? Yes. Hindsight, I'm republishing it, because it's all part of the journey. It would be disingenuous to act like I don't make bad judgment calls or overreact, or say crazy things that I regret. I REALLY try to make a serious effort to acknowledge the crazy brain and not let it make my decisions, and I'd say that I am successful more often than not. Crazy brain is the creative one that thinks up 1,000 ways to kill off people that annoy me, always knows the wrong thing to do to get me in trouble or ruin a perfectly tolerable situation, and convinces me to buy hacking softwares. Rational brain says, "let's not go to jail today". But sometimes lack of sleep, alcohol, and stress wear down good ol' Rational. Crazy is literally always jacked up on crack and ready to make my life a living hell at any given moment. Would I say that 90% of this whole post should be removed and not published? Probably. But also fuck it. So here's what happens when you let Crazy Becky do things. Sorry not sorry.


This week, was not a cool week. Let me start off by apologizing that this isn’t really a scandalous date story...but sorry, not sorry because I do have to start building up the “Bitchy Stuff” section of the blog. So here it is! Suck it up. Anyway, back to this week not being a cool week. Did I go on a girl trip and have an awesome time? Absolutely. Does that mean that bullshit didn’t follow me out of town? Not a chance. Does that mean the bullshit stayed out of town with me and didn’t come back home? Also, not a fuckin chance. So what happened? Well I’ll shorten this with bullet points for those of you who are only here for the bad dates.

  1. Ended a friendship with a close friend, who was actually toxic and a life suck

  2. My abusive ass ex boyfriend just got engaged to some girl he’s only dated for a few months

  3. The guy I was in to ended up being more in to some bitch bartender than me

For the real fuckers, let’s expand.


Ended a friendship with a close friend, who was actually toxic and a life suck

So we went on a perfectly decent girl trip this week and didn't invite this one friend because we knew she would put a damper on the trip. Also we just didn't want to invite her. Of course she saw our posts on social media and then tries to call us out via text about it, asking "what has changed" with our friendship because she noticed she hasn't been invited to things. Like if you don't know, then I guess you don't know, dumb dumb. Anyway, I laid the fuckin hammer down. Was it the nicest thing to do? No. Was it necessary because she is so self absorbed and dense, that if I didn't spell it out in detail, she'd never get it? YES. I provided a short list of occurrences that have been toxic to our dynamic, but particularly how we stopped hearing from her the moment she got a new boyfriend and finished her competition, because she just didn't need anything from us anymore. Like that shit is in your court. Not surprisingly, she had excuses for everything and took ownership of nothing. Could I have responded again to her defenses and broken them all down to nothing? FOR FUCKIN SURE! But I wasn't trying to waste a single ounce more of my energy on her, while I was on vacation...or like ever again. So bye, B! Sidebar: we actually like her ex better than her at this point and probably want to get lunch so we can spill tea and be dramatic for no reason.


My abusive ass ex boyfriend just got engaged to some girl he’s only dated for a few months

ANNOYINGGGGGG. Disclaimer: I know I shouldn't be annoyed because he's a fucking loser, we've been separated for years, and he's not my problem anymore. But it's still ANNOYINGGGGGG! So I'm sitting there, still on vacation, clicking along through Instagram stories and see this guy posted this box with a cigar and a picture of him and my ex and the box said "Be My Groomsman?". I'm thinking, this HAS to be for Mr. Hyde because there's no one else in that picture (a picture I took of them when three of us went on a ski trip together. Awkward), but I never heard from anyone that he was seeing someone. He and I also spoke like 2 weeks ago about some business matters, where he casually bragged about how busy he is, how much money he is making and the highlights in his life. AT NO POINT did he mention he was fuckin engaged. Now I'm not friends with him on any social media, I don't follow him, he basically doesn't exist to me...so I send my aunt on an investigative mission to see who this poor, unfortunate, lady is. First of all, they have NO pictures together. Not one. But like an idiot, he still has tons of pictures of me all over his Facebook, including his highlights... She finally finds one picture from his brother's wedding back in October...and she's...well I don't want to hate on a poor girl that I didn't even know existed. So let's just say, she looks like his mom and sister. Short, blonde, and quite ROUND. Knowing how braggadocious he is, and how he doesn't have any pictures with her, speaks volumes in my unprofessional opinion. But the best we can guess is they started dating in like September? Here is why this is annoying though. He and I were together for THREE years, and it took until our final months for him to even try to propose ( I dodged a massive bullet here, so I'm not complaining, but point being I'm clearly some A grade loser). But he threatened me, and tried to make me give up my title so we could get married. He claimed he wanted to get engaged on a cruise in the summer, during my national competition, so we could be married that December. I told him no one gets married in 6 months unless they're pregnant. He didn't like that I wasn't on board. So here's the new girl, and she gets nearly TWO YEARS to plan the wedding. I'm thinking, he knocked her up and they're giving her time to have the baby and lose the weight. Of the 6 kids in that family, that's the reason 4 of them have even gotten engaged/married in the first place. Another fun nugget: this is the second time I've avoided getting engaged to a psycho. I have terrible judgement in men...but more on that in our next section!


The guy I was in to ended up being more in to some bitch bartender than me.

This is another thing that SHOULD NOT bother me. But it does. And it's entirely my own fault for making bad judgment calls about people. So me and this guy were KINDA seeing each other, emphasis on the KINDA part. We've been on a few dates, basically hooked up once with the most awkward series of occurrences, and talk regularly (you want juicy/hilarious sex deets? Maybe another day. This is about the bitchy stuff so fuck off and I'll get to the top 5 most socially awkward interactions of my life, when I get there!). I felt like we were on the same page, but my head is clearly so far up my own ass and I had a little unpleasant reality check. So as I've shared before, I try to be considerate of others lives. I know people get busy, shit happens, and I want to be respectful of those situations because it happens to all of us, and I would hope that same consideration would be extended to me should the situation be reversed. Well we haven't gone out or even tried for a better round 2 of "doin it" in weeks because he's been busy with work. He bartends for the nightclub I work at, but is also going to be working at the new club. So with training and his job, he's working some sick combination of 7 days a week and doubles. Do I give him shit for not coming over to watch a movie, or not being able to grab a bite somewhere once in a while? Absolutely. I have to show some playful level of interest, despite the lack of irl interaction, to try to express where I stand in our dynamic. But I feel like I shouldn't have to try as hard as I do, to get tiny granules of interest reciprocated back.

So last week he was having an extra frustrating go of things. He vents, I listen and try to provide positive feedback. In his vent, he starts talking about his ex and how she's sleeping with a buddy of his and how he's kinda hurt and bothered over the whole thing. Like I knew when we first started hanging out, that his breakup was fresh and he hadn't really addressed all of those separation emotions yet, so I wasn't bothered, because this was him working through that. We've all been there, and I care about him as a human, so I'm not going to hold that against him. Also we're not anything. We've gone out a few times. It's whatever. But this is becoming similar to my situation with the goldfish now. Ex. Feelings towards the ex that haven't been dealt with yet that are creating disturbances in his functioning. So here I am, with my trademark question "do you want me to fuck off?" because if you need space or you're just not that interested because of your baggage, I'm happy to give that space and shut the whole operation down. But when he says "no, i really like you. Don't fuck off" that implies a certain level of SOMETHING going on between us. Get's hopes up, releases feel-good emotions etc.

At this point, I've reached out countless times about us getting food, or him coming over after work, or literally fuckin anything but he's always too busy and too tired. Okay fine. I get it. I won't poke the bear. But actually ALL OF THAT IS FALSE! Here I am, doing the fuckin most for my attention scraps, when he is just GIVING OUT PDA TO THE BITCH BARTENDER AT WORK LIKE CANDY ON HALLOWEEN. So really, he's just not that in to me and I indeed should, fuck off. A few weeks ago, a girl I work with and I saw these two at the bar being playful. Her response "they look like they're fucking". Now I'm not all public that he and I have been kinda talking, so I don't make a thing of it. But then two of my other coworkers noticed these same behaviors since then, and have mentioned it to me. Now these mentions aren't a big deal until I'm sitting there at the bar watching this grossness go down in front of me. My fourth coworker's jaw hit the floor when we saw them last night, that's how barf this was. The chick comes up behind him and is holding him, grabbing all over him, just being the most. The night before he had his hands up like he wasn't getting involved in her PDA, and I couldn't tell if it was because he was genuinely disinterested or if it was because I was standing there. Let me assure you, it was the latter. Last night, they were at it again, but he was reciprocating. Followed by a fat ass grab. Like first off, that's unprofessional. Keep your hands to yourself. And second off, keep your fuckin hands to yourself. I text him "barf" being passive aggressive, knowing he wouldn't see my message until later. Like if it was anyone else, I think the whole squad would've been less repulsed, but because it was the bitch bartender and he knows damn well how we feel about her, it was so much worse.

(I forgot to explain why this bitch is a bitch, and why none of my coworkers like this cow. She had drama with my boss, so she quit booking her. BB (Bitch Bartender) was pissed about this so now she treats my boss, and by extension all of us, like fuckin shit. Ignores us when we try to order drinks, gives shady ass looks, etc. Also, we lost our comp tab at the bar because somehow, one of the bartenders rang in a ton of drinks more than we actually had. They were trying to accuse my guy mentioned above, but my boss is pretty convinced it was BB, since she has a grudge and because they get a higher tip pay out at the end of the night. She hasn't done anything to me personally, but I just don't care for her because I get shit on by extension, because she doesn't like my boss).

I apparently need to be reminded of this constantly, because I keep finding myself wasting time on these emotionally-unavailable fuck boys.

Anyway! He tried to text me when he got off and talk about the night, like he didn't see me at the bar for their heavy petting. And maybe he actually didn't, but I wasn't feeling like talking to him. So a few more vague, passive aggressive slights, and then I just said "good night" to get out of further conversation. Was I being a jealous brat? Yeah. Should I have been? Absolutely not. He can literally fuck or grab or poke at whoever he wants. We are nothing. Am I still bothered? Yeah. Because if I offer to fuck off and give you space, but you turn around with the "no I like you" and then I watch you act a certain way with someone else, it's gonna be bothersome. I shouldn't have to work this hard for nothing, when he actually gives out exchanges so casually. Like what's a bitch gotta do to get a compliment around here? (I've been working really hard to lose weight and fit in to some of my more fire dresses, which I'm managing to do successfully and it would be nice if the person I thought I was talking to would throw me a "damn, you're looking fine tonight" instead of just the creepy hosts, it would be warmly received). But I'm just gonna go ahead and not say anything to him anymore because it's not worth the conversation. Taking it upon myself, to fuck off. He's too busy and not interested in me, says he's a 2x4 and can't pick up on my signals but he's clearly picking up on this bitch's. I'll save my interest for someone that at least pretends to be interested back.


At the end of the day, I actually had an awesome week. A lot of positive things happened. And even the negative things I mention here, are all blessings in disguise. But these things that are annoying, are fuckin annoying. Unfortunately, I am petty and hold a grudge so I'm still gonna be bothered for a minute. And that's just all I have to say about it!

 
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